Broken & Beautiful
Let me start this off by saying I’m a HUGE Kelly Clarkson fan. I’ve been a fan of hers since early on in that first season of American Idol. You know, back in the day when you had to dial in on a landline to vote for your favorite artists to make it to the next round. Then you had to continue calling until you could actually get through and not get a busy signal. I digress but all this to say I’ve heard every song Kelly has ever sung and I think Broken & Beautiful just might be my favorite one. Although, fair warning that there will be more blog posts on other songs by her as well!
Full disclosure, this song is from the movie, UglyDolls, which I have not seen so I’m writing about the song without that context. For me, this song, that was released in 2019, really struck a chord for me, “I’m broken and it’s beautiful.” So simple, yet so powerful. It came at a time when I was struggling with where I was in life and that’s all that matters to me. So, let’s dive in.
When I was working with a coach recently, she recommended that I make an “Inspiration” type of playlist to help get me out of my own head (which, good call). This was one of the first songs that came to mind so it’s been on my mind a lot more recently. The more I hear a song, the more I think about why I relate to it and analyze (there’s the being in my own head again).
There’s so much female empowerment in this song and that starts in the first verse. “I never held my hand out and asked for something free. I got pride I could roll out for miles in front of me. I don't need your help, and I don't need sympathy. I don't need you to lower the bar for me.” There is so much to unpack there. In my interpretation, it’s really saying, I don’t need anything from anyone and I’m just as capable as anyone else. I know from my own experience; women are so often spoken down to. Mansplaining anyone? We are capable. We are strong. We are independent. I’ve been on the receiving end of being talked down to (especially in a professional environment) more times than I can count. However, sometimes vulnerability is the strongest display of strength which we see later in the song.
One of my favorite lines in the entire song comes in the second verse, “I’m phenomenal and I’m enough.” Who else needs some of those positive self-talk mantras? I know I do and I know I hold myself to a standard that I wouldn’t expect of anyone else. I describe myself as a recovering perfectionist because it’s something I actively think about and work on (some days are better than others). So, these small reminders make a big difference for me. I am enough. Those three words hold so much power. I am enough.
The third verse really screams, just accept me for who I am! “Can someone just hold me? Don't fix me, don't try to change a thing. Can someone just know me? 'Cause underneath, I'm broken and it's beautiful.” This is who I am right now, I want someone to accept it, not change it, but care about me nonetheless. I’m broken. And it’s beautiful. You deserve love. Full stop. It’s OK to be broken, to some degree we all are. You don’t have to be “perfect” to be deserving of love and care. Although, it seems that some of us may have been taught (whether consciously or unconsciously) otherwise. I grew up being told that I should be thinner, prettier, and smarter. I felt like I needed to be fixed. But, there is power in knowing that you’re amazing just the way you are. I’m always going to have things I want to improve but that doesn’t make me less than right now.
“We're walking on the ocean, turning water into wine. We bury our emotions and pretend that we're just fine. The only way to live now is to know you're gonna fly. Don't listen to the lying liars and their lies” We have to believe in ourselves but we also have to give ourselves grace when we’re not OK. And it is OK to not be OK. How many times do you answer the question, “How are you?” with a lie because the truth would be inconvenient? I can’t count the number of times I’ve said that (almost unconsciously) at this point, especially over the last two years. When we struggle, we tend to bury that. Yet, when we’re flying high, we share openly. I think social media is a great example of that, it’s a highlight reel and we tend to make unfair comparisons for ourselves in that space, but that is really a whole different can of worms that we’ll dig into another time.
Pretending to be OK when you’re not, and wanting someone to love you just as you are, mess and all, can be exhausting, right? “I'm tired (oh). Can I just be tired? (just be tired). Without piling on all sad and scared and out of time (oh). I'm wild (wild). Can I just be wild? (just be wild). Without feeling like I'm failing and I'm losing my mind.” Can I exist without judgment? I feel like sometimes we just want to “Breakaway,” (another Kelly song, sorry, I couldn’t resist) and not care what everyone else thinks of us. Yet, so often, we don’t give ourselves that permission and we need to. Yes, it’s possible that this blog post is because I’ve been needing this reminder as of late.
This song is a journey from that sense of power to a sense of vulnerability. That’s life, isn’t it? Humans (especially women) are multidimensional. The way we feel, the way we act, it’s not always something we can explain. Sometimes, we’re our own worst critics (or all the time). We are enough. We are amazing, wonderful, unique, and beautiful in our own ways. We can embrace who we are and where we are. We can own all of that. If we focus on the “can” instead of the “can’t” then maybe more of us will start to see ourselves (and others) in a more positive light. Maybe, just maybe, we can all acknowledge that we are broken and it’s beautiful.
